I stopped writing this blog a while ago. And I don't know today that I'm going to pick back up where I left off. Ironically, or not, that was the exact subject matter of my last entry: write or stop. I clearly haven't answered that question. But I have decided one thing: you're going to have to find this blog if you want to read it. No longer am I going to post entries on social media. Makes me mad on another level when I put something out there that nobody comments on or pays attention to. I have to laugh at that. So completely narcissistic. Ha! Like I said before, if you don't love what you write, and have that expectation of others, what's the point? This isn't journalism. It is digital ranting, yelling into a cyberspace-shaped megaphone, the yeeting of your most introspective thoughts into a chasm of deep space dark matter. It is pointless other than to give me an outlet for my rage and hopefully medication enough to move through to the next day.
NOTE: Don't take the above as some kind of fucked up secret way to say that writing keeps me from killing myself. Holy shit, no. Nobody is worth me killing myself. Nobody. Besides, have you ever SEEN a Ferrari? Or touched a lion? Or had a dog? Or loved someone? Or ridden a motorcycle? Or felt the sea roll up your foot while you stand on the beach? I don't get suicide. But that's another blog, completely. I hate that some people are pushed that direction, and I have some strong feelings about suicide that don't matter to anyone who's been through it. I'm just saying I'll never do that to myself. I'm just moody. :-)
I forgot where I was going before that suicide rant. Lovely.
Oh yeah: (most) people suck.
I cannot tell you how much joy I've squeezed from Tik Tok in the last couple of years. It is a magnificent escape from the rigors of life and dealing with people you'd like to see disappear. So many funny people, so many great singers, so many people with crazy talent that never would have been exposed were it not for something as horrific as the pandemic, pushing everyone to the app for some respite and joy in a shitty day. I shudder to think where I'd be mentally without those 1- and 3-minute videos.
There was a school shooting in Texas not too long ago, and I got so fed up with the absolute bullshit of thoughts & prayers that I stopped watching the coverage for days. I'm still not fully back on board, and that's fine by me. Politicians coveting their NRA funds or the votes of dicks with 2A tattooed on their foreheads make me sick. I wish they would just say they're in it for the money and the notoriety. They're certainly not genuine on any level. That goes for the GOP and the Democrats, but the greasy GOP assholes are just more blatant with their greed and refusal to help their constituents in the face of corporations floating their endless campaigns and glad-handing. I stopped watching the coverage because everyone is lying WHILE THEY'RE AVOIDING THE QUESTIONS people need to have answered. If everyone responded to a question in their every day lives with some kind of nonsense 'spin', we'd never get anywhere. People used to be more honest. At the very least, maybe the rest of us were more terrible at figuring out we were being lied to. One way or another, a lot of us are fucked, and it's only going to get worse.
Nobody is able to tell a grieving parent that their OTHER kids aren't in danger of getting shot up at school because nobody is willing to do anything substantial about guns in this country. Nobody is able to tell their daughter that she doesn't have to carry a rape baby to term if Uncle Dirtbag gets handsy and takes her to bed. Nobody is able to tell their mother or sister or aunt or cousin that she has the right to make her own decisions about her body because the autonomy we should mandate for her isn't represented in the Constitution. Give me a fucking break. And as privacy rights get chucked...just wait...there goes the right for a man to marry another man, or a Chinese woman to marry a white guy, or adopt a baby of your choosing. It's not a leap to go from knocking down Roe to eliminating Loving and erasing Obergefell.
One of my fraternity brothers (from whom I'm actively distancing myself), told me I should calm down. I wanted to tell him to fuck off, but I was more polite about it. He's been a dick to me on Facebook a couple of times, and I've always come back and told him he was a shit for saying what he said. I'm not fucking with him anymore because I have insight into his real demeanor and outlook. I don't have time for that. And I won't calm down on this issue or others. We're standing at the edge of a precipice in so many ways. And so many people aren't paying attention. Or worse, they're complicit in the various ways society is being destroyed; hey, democracy, the call is coming from inside the house. I have lifelong friends who will vote for Trump if he runs again. After EVERYTHING FUCKING THING we know about him and what he's done to the country, he'll still get their vote. They'll never tell me that to my face, but I know it to be true. And that's sad. And, quite frankly, it's gross and irresponsible. But they're never going to change, and I'm not going to waste my breath or time engaging in conversation to try and sway them. I used to spit into the wind until I realized it wasn't worth it with some people.
So, I'll keep my hands up. I'll continue to be irritated by the outside world and its refusal to do what's right. At the same time, I have to do what I can to get out of this depression, to stimulate my brain, to lessen the hatred I have for asshole members of our society. I don't know. Maybe I'll keep writing. I've got this blog and at least two novels I could work on. We'll see. If it happens, it happens. And unless there is some setting I'm not aware of which automatically notifies my 7 followers (haha, I'm number 8), nobody will know, anyway.
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